Forgiving and Forgetting
I keep receiving almost the same question recently on the issue of forgiving someone that hurt you and forgetting it A lot of people still feel you can forgive but can’t forget. What’s your take on this matter?
Responses:
One can forgive but u can’t forget. I think is only God who can forget. As forgetting our past. We are humans with emotions.
Can one forget his or past, whether good or bad? No! Your past is what helps you to tackle your today and future. No one can forget yesterday. Not forgetting does not mean I’ll use it against the person. When I do that, it means, I didn’t forgive.
Forgiving and forgetting. Forgiving a wrong that hurts goes alongside forgetting. It’s all about a function of the mind. One can condition the mind to forget.
Forgiving goes with forgetting. It is not easy but the mind can be redirected to positivity, thereby it surpassing the negative (hurt).
Forgiving and forgetting needs grace, my dear if grace is involve is very easy to forgive and forget. Prayers works too, I remember when i was much younger my dad’s younger sister hurt me so badly then that it took the grace of God for me to forgive her, I went into prayers and fasting just for that because I see her I feel like hurting her too so that she feel the pains I’m passing through, I went for counselling in my church, before gradually the pains kept leaving me. But what i did is to avoid her till date, that doesn’t that I have not forgiven her but I’m scared of being hurt the second time. When you condition your mind you need to pray and ask God to take away the thoughts out of me.
Hurting someone to me is just like a scar in the palm, the wound get heal the scar might remain for life though without pain. Forgiveness is the healed wound while the scar is forgetting.
Forgiving and forgetting requires the grace of God. Humanly speaking one can forgive and not forget. Putting your mind away by engaging it positively will help.
Forgiving is non-negotiable because when you forgive, you set yourself free. However, as human beings, we tend not to forget extreme experiences of Joy and Pain. So we should not exert energy trying to forget. Focus on Forgiving and move on from what caused you pain. The point here is that you may or may not forget. Forgetting is compulsory only in cases of Amnesia.
Forgiving is a command, we forgive one another before God forgives us. This commit God to help us forget the pain and hurt.
You forgive and you do no harm to the offender; you don’t use the offence against him/her. But you literally cannot forget the harm done to you, it is recorded in your memory and nothing to erase it from there. You will remember, but you don’t let your mind and heart entertain bitter/spite against the sinner for as long as you live. You cannot forget, but you use the lesson learnt from the hurt to ensure it is not repeated, to determine how far next time you will interact with the person. In this case, there is need to practice social distance. There is no such thing as forgiving and forgetting; there is only such thing as forgiving and showing that forgiveness by your attitude of mercy, kindness.
BIG QUESTION
Is there anyone out of the over 70 people here who was hurt, forgave and has forgotten the hurt? Being real now!
Responses:
Not me. Walahi. I was hurt. I have forgiven and still interact with offenders, but carefully by not allowing myself to be taken advantage off, by not trusting too much again until I know I will safe around the offender.
Of course, that’s where loving from the distance comes in. There are people you forgive and forget the incidents, yet you are still together. Also, they are others you need to let go, while still living in love
*Stimulus (Hurts) Freedom to Choose (Choice) Decision (Remember without hurts after letting or remember with same hurts because of unforgiveness).
I like that because the reason for this topic is to be face to face with the reality. I personally was hurt and ‘hurted,” as a Christian, the Bible said forgive. I thought I had forgiven. Not until one of my personal professional Counsellors, listened to my communication concerning what I was going through. He told me “You need to forgive the person to the point of giving him a room in your home to sleep if you found the person homeless!” I said “God forbid. It was then he took me through the process of forgiveness. It was then I learnt that forgiveness is an intentional act to liberate oneself. It’s beyond mere talk. And, when you get to that level, you forget all the hurts and becomes alive again. It’s so real!
Let go of the hurts even though memory is still there. You now smile while sharing! Forgive and Let go but not forgive and forget. When you forget the hurt/pain, what does it means – let go? I’ll say No because I’ve experienced letting go of the hurt and forgetting the hurt It’s not the same experience and freedom.
YES. But very careful with those harmful people, we exchange pleasantries from a distance because of the fear of being friends again. Remember that people who ones hurt you were ones your friends whom you loved so much. I try not to attach emotions to feelings. Its better they stay where they are and I stay were I’m supposed to be. I can’t be beaten twice mbok, so its better I don’t pretend.
Yes, l was also hurt by someone when l was passing through the period of childlessness in marriage. Thought it was again to confess in prayers that l have forgiven the person. But l yielded to God’s prompting to buy a gift of wrapper for the person and tell her face to face that l have forgiven her. Then, my breakthrough came.
What I learnt through lives journey now is to let go in respective of the offense. I can’t imprisoned my mind just because of some people send by agent of darkness to steal my joy and happiness. I better dey my dey make them dey there dey. I can’t come and kill myself. I don’t give any space in my heart to be hurt again because it has caused me serious injury. What I did is to call one by one to say hello once in a while. I rather focus on how to be productive, rich and useful to God to be holding people in my mind. I called that being in control of your thoughts processing – it’s a conscious work.
I love this practical experiences because Forgiving and Forgetting is a very practical thing we encounter every now and then. These are practical experience, it’s possible! But, the willingness must come from our heart. We must be intentional about it. The word “FORGET” has contextual meaning which is to remember without Emotional hurt
Forgiveness: What you should know?
1. Forgiveness is emotionally construed.
2. Forgiveness is not a justice issue; it’s a heart issue (the heart that is being hurt, not the offender’s)
3. Forgiveness is one hundred percent YOU, zero percent of the offender, nature and Divine has a way and manner of handling the offender which you don’t need to know how.
4. Forgiveness gives you eternal peace, joy, liberty that you have never experienced when you are in pains, hurt, bitterness of what the offender did to you.
5. Forgiveness teaches you that everyone commits one offence or the other, the different is in our level of understanding of Divine and sincere love that is deposited in our spirit-man.
6. Forgiveness open our eyes to our strength and even our weaknesses
7. Forgiveness helps us to think, perceives and acts in a more conscious but courageous spirit. It helps us to express and explore our true self (if we really allow our minds to think objectively).
8. Forgiveness help us to have inner guard so that even though we choose to love and give allowances for mistakes, hate, betrayals and misunderstanding; we can love from distance.
9. Forgiveness teaches us to forget the gravity of the hurts, hates, lies, slandering, rejection, cheats, betrayals, or (put yours there) but we can stand on those experiences to become a better version of us and be the love we want to see.
10. Forgiveness is a learning, unlearning and relearning process to forget the pains the offender must have caused us. We can give and forget the pains – I have experienced it.
Is it possible to forgive the offender and forget the hurt?
Responses:
Hmm, it’s possible but difficult o. But I think time indeed heal all wounds, then you look back and just smile
Many times you forgive people but it is the forgetting aspect that is so hard especially when you see thing that brings back the memories of the hurt.
This normal. But, we want to learn how we can intentionally move from what seems normal to extraordinary – choosing to forgive the offender (s) and forget the hurts. Then, use the incidents as a ride of becoming a better, stronger and fulfilling you do you think it’s possible?
It is possible especially when it relate to people that you can’t do anything about because you are related but for others it wiser to keep them far off. Loving them from distance.
Yes, we want to take our responsibility by choosing to forgive and forget. How easy is it? Not just walking by commands but living in sincere love.
Yes, l was also hurt by someone when l was passing through the period of childlessness in marriage. Thought it was again to confess in prayers that l have forgiven the person. But l yielded to God’s prompting to buy a gift of wrapper for the person and tell her face to face that l have forgiven her. Then, my breakthrough came.
I think anybody can forget the hurt so fast, it goes naturally as the years goes by. The fastness here, depends on individuals. But, it is possible to forget the hurt in a process of time. But, one must be willing to learn, unlearn and relearn – na their bi de problem, walahi
